I am not in your produce aisle

....so why are you sizing me up for age and firmness?

Men need to learn and exercise their knowledge in the difference between gazing discreetly and leering or, even worse, making animalistic noises at women.

I just don't get it. New Zealand is not nearly as bad as other countries I've been to in this regard (such as Barcelona, and even worse – Greece). I'll get to those cesspools of testosterone later. But I've still gotten a few off-putting approaches that I've never gotten the like of in the States.

For instance, a few weeks ago I was walking home from work when a thug approached me and asked how I was doing. I politely responded with, “Fine.” Then he said, “You look fantastic by the way.” “Oh, thanks,” I said. Despite my subsequent lack of anything else to say to him or any eye contact, he kept walking beside me. Thankful I was reaching my destination of the post office, I walked away from him and toward it, and he was not stupid enough to follow me there. But when I finished dropping off my letters and continued on my way, I found him sitting on a bench around the corner.

Now I had just that day been pondering on the way I tend to scowl at people who look at me, so that they'll stop, and how I should probably stop doing that and give out a more positive vibe to the world. So when I passed him I smiled. That was stupid. Because then he got up and started walking with me again. He asked where I was going and I vaguely said downtown, and surprise, so was he. My god, did he think he was going to follow me on the bus? So when we got to the bus stop a minute later I said, “I'm going to meet up with my boyfriend now.” (Note to self: I have GOT to work on my assertiveness in situations when people are being rude or annoying). He responded with, “So I guess going to your place is out of the question?”

Seriously?

I'm sorry, I didn't realize my conservative, knee-length dress said “hooker.”

But instead of saying something cute like that, I just lamely replied, “Um, yeah...”

But that's just an example of stupidity. Like the other guy that followed me down the street. He caught with me from behind and all of a sudden was there, walking beside me, talking about the weather and asking me about myself. In a strange accent. And the accent is what quickly threw the the conversation off course and got him off my back. And it makes for a funny anecdote.

He had already ascertained that I was from the U.S. He said, “U.S. Is nice.” But what I heard was, “Your ass is nice.”

So of course I flared up immediately, impatient with him, and stopped walking to practically scream at him on the street, “My ass is nice? Did you just say my ass is nice?!”

Confused, he repeated weakly, “U.S. Is nice....”

Then I understood my mistake, and burst out laughing. Luckily we had arrived at the street corner where I needed to turn so I just turned on my heel without a word and walked away.

These are mild; there are many more instances of leering, hissing and inappropriate comments, even in New Zealand. It makes my skin crawl. I always shoot them dirty looks to let them know it is not appreciated, and sometimes am moved enough to flick them off. This is something I'm working on. I'd rather be much more zen about it and ignore them completely. But it's just so angering to think that complete strangers feel comfortable enough with you to treat you with absolutely no respect.

The environment in Barcelona and Athens was absolutely astounding. My travel companion Charly and I were not used to anything like it. The men did that maddening hissing noise at women nearly constantly as you walked down the street going about your business, I kid you not. Like we were animals. I don't think many women enjoy that kind of behavior. We tried to figure it out, and charly and I decided it must have worked ONE time with one woman. Otherwise, why would they keep it up? There must have been one time in history when a group of men hissed at a woman, and she turned around and said, “You know what, yes, I think I will indeed have sex with you.” And they told all their friends, who told all their friends, and the word got out that hissing at a woman does in fact work sometimes.

But I'm sure our theory is wrong and that it's more about the macho atmosphere they create for themselves and trying to show off to each other, thinking they're acting manly and 'the right way' in front of their peers. Idiots.

My message to you men is simply, cut the childish bullshit! Realize that you can make women feel very uncomfortable and threatened, and any woman that takes kindly to your leering and hissing is as gross as you are.

Ooh, snap! There's my assertiveness.